Fumbling Through Darkness
by ElenaWolf
Summary: Nick struggles to recover from his abduction and finds only an old friend can truly help him. NOC postGrave Danger
1. Chapter 1

1Title: Fumbling Through Darkness

Author: Elena Wolf

Rating: T (just to be safe)

Summary: Nick struggles to come to terms with his abduction, and finds only an old friend can help.

Characters: Nick/OC

Spoilers: post "Grave Danger"

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of CSI or its characters. I own Kayla Biggs, but that's about it. All rights belong to CBS, Jerry Bruckheimer, Alliance Atlantic and everyone else making money. I'm just happy to borrow them for a little bit.

Author's Note: This is a first for me...first time on first CSI fic. I haven't written FF in a long time, so be kind. I'm not sure if this piece is finished or not, but I'll judge from feedback if people want me to continue. Also, I'm a Snickers at heart, but I just couldn't work Sara into this one. Maybe next time...

Feedback: Yes, please!

Kayla stood at the counter and methodically cut the carrots for her soup. Slicing them evenly, she used the edge of the blade to wipe the pile into the pot, along with the celery and other vegetables that were already simmering. Stretching her neck, she picked up another carrot and began to peel the skin into the sink in quick, sharp movements. When it was just her, soup came from a can and took about 2 minutes in the microwave. But her domestic instincts had kicked in when she moved in with Nick, and soup became an all-day ordeal.

At about four in the afternoon, Nick was asleep. Despite entering his fourth month of leave from work, he had refused to get back on a normal schedule. At first he said that it was the feeling of routine and normalcy that he craved. However, Kayla suspected it was a suffocating fear of the dark that caused him to sleep during the day with the blinds open. She didn't mind. Her schedule was never routine, so it had been fairly easy to fall into step with him.

She was just starting on her third carrot when she heard a soft moan coming from the bedroom. She paused, her ears pricked, listening carefully. She'd slipped half a sedative into Nick's drink during dinner. He refused to take them, hating they way they would make him feel when he woke up. She knew that she couldn't get away with slipping a whole pill into his drink, but sometimes she cut her hidden stash in half. It was enough to help him drift off into a normally dreamless sleep. Those were the best nights. Tonight, however, the dreams broke through the drug-induced fog of Nick's night. The memories surfaced and pierced through his subconscious. All of a sudden, he was back in that box.

His moans grew louder and quickly turned to sobs. Putting her carrots aside and dropping the lid on the pot, Kayla wiped her hands on her jeans and made her way into the bedroom they shared. She sighed inwardly, resigned, steeling herself for the battle ahead. The walk to the room took forever, and by the time she reached his bedside, he was thrashing and kicking at the sheets that confined him.

"Nick." She said, sternly. She lowered herself to the bed and began stroking his face. She knew from past experience that her first instinct to grab him in her arms only caused him to struggle more. The nightmare was confinement, so she needed to give him space.

"Nick, baby, wake up." She stroked his face, wiping off the sweat that had formed. She continued to call his name, reassuring him that he was okay. He slowly stopped thrashing, and she could tell he was awake but struggling to remember where he was. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. "Its okay, its just a dream. You're here with me, and you're fine. You're okay, Nick."

He pulled himself into a sitting position, breathing starting to slow. Kayla tucked one foot underneath her body and pressed herself against his side. He needed the human contact.

Turning to look at her finally, Kayla saw unshed tears in his eyes. He grabbed her, pulling her body close with one hand, and holding her head with the other. He shuddered once, but didn't cry. "Its okay, Nicky."

"I'm so sorry, Kay." He didn't let her go. The shame at having her see him like this crept over him like a shadow. She had helped him through much worse, and for that he always felt guilty. In the beginning, the nightmares came two, three times a day. And that was only when he attempted to sleep. For weeks he would sit in front of the tv, struggling to keep his eyes open. Knowing the second they closed, he would feel the earth cave in on him. See the ants crawling across his vision. He would feel himself nod off. Startled, Nick would sit up straighter on the couch and take the deep breaths his therapist had recommended.

Everyone from the lab looked in on him. Warrick came by for ball games, bringing a twelve pack of beer and stories of his latest conquests. He tried to keep things light, like they had been before. But every once in a while, Nick would catch Warrick staring at him, and he knew what he was thinking. He hated pity. But more than anything, he hated being pitied by his friends. He'd been in the business long enough to know exactly what could have happened to him. He also knew it was just dumb luck that it had been him in that box. It could have easily been any one of his friends.

Grissom came by and sat quietly with Nick while he watched old National Geographic specials on the migratory patterns of exotic birds. He sometimes offered quips about life at the lab. Things Greg did to break the lingering tension, or his growing feelings for Sophia. But mostly he just sat. Grissom knew if Nick wanted to talk about it, he would.

Catherine came by a few times before bringing Lindsey. She wasn't sure if Nick would be up for the company, so she felt him out a few times before asking. His first instinct was to say no, that he wasn't ready. But something made him ask her one day to bring Lindsey by. It had turned out to be one of his better decisions. Her idle conversation and meaningless gossip was soothing to Nick. Lindsey was someone who knew him only as Nicky. The guy she'd always known from her mother's work. She didn't look at him with pity or questions in her eyes. She didn't think of him as the Nick Stokes who had been kidnaped and buried alive. He was just Nick.

Sara had been a different story. She had been there in the hospital with him, holding his hand as he fought through a fog of sedatives, painkillers and nightmares. But once he emerged and began to recover, she disappeared. She began taking double shifts at the lab and had always had an excuse as to why she never came by. But Nick understood. He knew it was hard for his friends to see him this way, and some dealt with it better than others. It had been just over a month before she came by for the first time. And when she did, she had Greg in tow, knowing he would do all the talking and she wouldn't have to deal with the uncomfortable silence. The first time they came, she sat quietly while Greg babbled. Nick nodded and commented politely, but he couldn't keep himself from stealing long glances at his former partner. When they left an hour later, Sara hung back and hesitated. She stood, staring at his driveway through the open door. "Sara?" He asked, unsure if she was about to run or break down.

She turned in one movement, face down, tears streaming. She covered the few feet between them and grabbed Nick roughly. Hugging him as tightly as he would allow, she held onto him for what seemed like hours. He stroked her back and whispered to her that he was fine. He would be okay.

They spoke in murmurs and Sara finally lifted her head and looked Nick straight in his eyes. For a moment, it seemed like she was about to say something. But she knew the words would be pointless. Nick knew how she felt. He knew how much she cared about him, even if she wasn't able to put it into so many words. "You okay?" He asked.

She nodded and cleared her throat. "Let me know if you need anything, okay Nick? You can always call me." She searched his face for understanding and nodded at his tight smile. Offering one of her own, Sara turned and strode quickly out of his house and up to the car where Greg was waiting quietly.

And then he was alone. Again. As much as he sometimes dreaded the forced visits from his colleagues, he mostly dreaded when they left. The sudden quiet of the rooms. The emptiness. He'd always been partial to living alone...having his independence, his privacy. But Nick was starting to re-think that. He almost always had the radio or television on, unable to stand the

sometimes deafening silence.

It was Grissom who first suggested he talk to Kayla. Nick had met her a few years ago. She had just moved to Las Vegas, relocated through her company. She was in the lab that day looking for Gil. Nick happened to be walking with him through the hallway, discussing a partial print he'd lifted off the doorway at a crime scene. He thought this might be the big break for the case, the kidnaping of a six-year old girl, and had been sharing it with his boss and mentor. Neither man noticed the slight woman standing in the middle of the hallway until she spoke.

"Dr. Grissom?" She asked with hope in her eyes and a growing smile on her face.

Grissom slowed, cocking his head to one side and narrowing his eyes, searching his memory. She looked vaguely familiar, but he met so many people over the years, it was sometimes impossible to remember one face.

"You don't remember me, do you?" She smiled broader, almost pleased with herself. "Its okay, its been a long time. Thirteen years to be exact."

Quickly doing the mental math, Grissom began to put the pieces together. "Kayla?"

Kayla laughed and nodded. "Its good to see you again, Dr. Grissom."

Grissom was momentarily stunned. He took in the sight of the woman before him and tried to match her to the image of the scared little girl burned in his memory. She had been just a child when he helped solve her case. He had actually been the one to find her. He stood back while the cops broke down the door, but had been one of the first inside once it was clear. He found her exactly where he knew he would, behind the water heater in the corner of the basement. He had lifted her carefully and carried her out of the prison himself.

"My God, how are you? You look...wonderful." He was still getting over the shock. She had grown up to be quite beautiful. Her hair was long and full, the color of honey. Her blue eyes sparkled in a way Gil knew they would if given the chance. She was definitely a grown woman now, business suit and all.

"What brings you to Vegas, and to the crime lab?" He realized that once her case was solved and the media attention died down, Kayla had all but disappeared.

"I'm here on the Kleevman case. Six-year old girl, taken from her home under suspicious circumstances?"

"That's my case." Nick stated, eyeing Kayla curiously. He didn't like when suits interfered with his investigation before he had a chance to process all the evidence. "Who are you here with?"

Sensing his mistrust, Kayla held out her hand to him. "I'm sorry, Kayla Briggs, CMEC. I'm not here to meddle, just provide support for the lab, Mr..."

"Stokes, Nick Stokes. I'm lead CSI on this investigation." Nick and Kayla held each others gaze.

"You're with the Center for Missing and Exploited Children?" Grissom was in awe. Not only had she recovered from her trauma, she seemed to have embraced her past and put it to good use.

"Well, you and your team were so wonderful in finding me, I thought it best if I return the favor. Besides, having someone tell a family that they know what they're going through only helps if they actually do." Grissom smiled at the statement.

"Gentleman, I'm here for the duration of the investigation and would like to help in any way I can. Just let me know." She nodded at Nick and turned to walk the other way, into a suite of administrative offices. Looking back, she added, "It's good to see you again, Dr. Grissom."

"You too," Gil added almost as an afterthought once she had passed through the glass double doors.

"You want to fill me in here, Griss?" Nick turned to his superior, amused at the taken look on Gil's face.

Grissom told him in the story as they continued to make their way down the hall and to the fingerprint lab. Kayla Biggs was twelve-years old when a serial kidnapper abducted her from her home. Her parents had been away and the babysitter had been drugged. She was missing for nearly ten days, long enough that people were starting to give up hope that she would be found alive. A break in the investigation led Grissom and his team to find Cy Meadows' house where he was keeping her. Where he had kept all his victims. Grissom found her inside and reunited her with her family. It was an unusual story, one that caught the media's attention. She was the focus of news stories and magazine articles for months. Once the attention faded however, she slipped quietly from public view.

Nick and Kayla worked side by side on the Kleevman case. The nights were long and the leads were scarce. Only through sheer determination did they find the suspect, a thirty-two year old store clerk. Unfortunately, two weeks later police uncovered the girl's body near Henderson. It hit the lab hard, Nick especially. Over a cup of coffee and some pancakes, Kayla shared her story with him. She told him how lucky she had been that Grissom found her. How she had beaten the odds. Working with CMEC, she saw families every day who weren't as lucky as her own. It only made her more thankful and more determined to stop it from happening to anyone else.

Kayla packed up her makeshift office and moved on a week later. She stayed around Vegas for a few more months before heading upstate. She and Nick kept in contact through emails and occasional phone calls. But over the years, they lost touch. Only a note here and there kept him apprized of her whereabouts. She had taken over the Nevada office and traveled the state extensively. It had been nearly five months since her last letter that she received a phone call.


	2. Chapter 2

1

The voice at the other end was unsteady and unsure. She had heard about the incident, nearly every law enforcement department had. However, she hadn't known it was Nick. When his voice broke on the line, she handed off her case to a colleague and headed to the airport. Within a few hours, she was on a plane from Reno to Vegas and drove directly to his house.

On the way there, she finally got a hold of Grissom. She had called him the instant she hung up with Nick. She needed to know exactly what happened. He filled her in while she waited at the airport. It was only a month ago, and the memories were fresh. He told her about the case that started it all, how the evidence was planted at a fake crime scene, and how the bastard blew himself to pieces without giving up any clues. She listened as Grissom described the camera on Nicky's face throughout the whole ordeal. How he was tortured with light and air, nearly eaten alive by fire ants. He described this as only a scientist could...detached, specific. Kayla suspected the feelings simmering at the surface, but kept the conversation to the facts. How was Nick? Were the physical wounds healed? Had he started therapy? Grissom answered every question, but she knew that nothing would prepare her for the challenge ahead. The circumstances may have been different, but the fear, anger and frustration were all the same.

She knocked on his door and waited patiently while he padded to the front and swung it open. She had steeled herself for what she would find, but barely contained her gasp. He looked like hell. Deep bags had taken residence under his eyes, and the wounds from the ants were pink and puffy. His hair was tousled and he had grown what looked like more than a few five o'clock shadows. Nick Stokes never grew a beard or goatee in his life.

He looked at her sheepishly, almost embarrassed that he had called her. That she had to see him like this. He silently stood aside while she walked in, rolling her bag behind her. She took in the scene of his apartment. Every window open, shades either pulled back or pulled off completely and lying in a pool on his floor. The tv was blaring mindless entertainment. Walking in further, she peeked into his bedroom to see an immaculately made bed that she suspected he hadn't slept in in days. The couch, however, showed obvious signs of wear. A crocheted blanket with a Texan Longhorn logo was tossed across two cushions, and the pillows were rearranged in a way that would let him stretch out fully.

The nights that followed were long. It took Kayla a few days to adjust to his schedule. She was soon sleeping during the days, however, neither got more than a few hours of sleep at a time. She would settle down in his bed, with him staring vacantly at the tv from the couch. It was only a matter of time before his screams tore her from her sleep. The nightmares were torment for both of them. Kayla never told Nick, but after a few days of talking him down from the walls, her own, long-buried nightmares returned.

She tried her best not to hover. When his friends and co-workers stopped by, Kayla used that time to get out of the house, get some fresh air and fresh groceries. Nick's eating habits had gone downhill, and she was determined to get him back on track. She took to cooking their meals. They mostly ate at his house, only venturing out once in a while. He was self conscious about the scars that were still healing on his face, feeling like everyone who looked at him knew exactly who he was. That day he awoke sobbing while Kayla cooked soup, they had finally gone for a long walk in the park.


	3. Chapter 3

1

"I'm ready." He said after nearly thirty minutes of silence. Kayla had sat with him while he calmed down from the nightmare and thought he had fallen asleep when he spoke.

"Are you sure?" She knew exactly what he meant.

"The thing is...I'm never gonna be 100 ready to do it, but I can't keep putting it off forever, you know?" He rolled over in their bed, propping himself up on his elbow to look into her eyes. "I know most people don't understand, but I have to see her." He had given it a great deal of thought. He knew that visiting Kelly Gordon in prison wasn't condoned by his co-workers. They told him how cruel she was when they were looking for him, how she wished him dead. But Nick knew she didn't mean it, and wanted the chance to confront her himself.

"I understand," she said, reaching up to stroke his face. "I never got the chance to tell Cy how he hurt me, how much anger I felt toward him. I can understand the need."

"It's not that, Kayla." He cut her off, searching for the words to describe his need to confront the daughter of his would-be murderer. "It's a cycle. If she holds on to her anger, she'll only end up hurting someone else. She can't take it with her. I don't know how to explain it."

"Okay." She accepted his explanation on pure faith. "I'll go with you."

Nick looked down at her and lowered his lips to hers. Neither really knew at what point over the past three months their relationship turned from friendship to something more. But they suddenly found themselves in this new place. Kayla had transferred back to the Vegas office and was unofficially living with Nick. She suspected that it was his need for human contact and compassion that drove him to bed with her, but she felt the same need deep inside herself, so she didn't question his motives. It was as healing for him as it was for her. She only worried what would happen when he went back to work and got on with his life...would she still be a part of it?

The next morning, Kayla sat quietly in the passenger seat of Nick's SUV, listening to the only country station in Las Vegas and watching the desert rush by in the window. Neither spoke since getting up and getting ready. Nick was lost in his own thoughts. Apprehensive and determined, he had no idea what he would face in that prison, but he hoped even seeing her face would allow him to heal a little bit more. And maybe help her as well. Kayla was saying a silent prayer that this would help Nick and not hurt him further. He was strong, a lot stronger than he had been for a while. But she didn't know what kind of hateful things this woman, who was carrying so much anger, might say.

He was inside for nearly 45 minutes. Kayla sat patiently in the car, only checking her work voice mail once. She chewed on her cuticles nervously. She told him to take all the time he needed. When he finally emerged from the front entrance of the women's prison, he had a strange look on his face. She couldn't tell at first if it went well or not. Walking up to the dark blue Denali, Nick tilted his face into the blazing Vegas sun. Squinting his eyes, Kayla swore he was smiling. She waited anxiously for him to climb back into the driver's seat.

"Well? How did it go?" She was turned completely sideways in her seat, searching his face for any indication of what happened.

Nick stared through the windshield at the prison for a minute. "It went as well as could be expected. She's angry. Angry at her father. Angry at me."

"Angry at you?" Kayla didn't understand.

Nick turned to her. "I represent the people that put her in that hell. I collect evidence, evidence that placed her at the crime scene. It wasn't me who processed that cup, but I'm close enough."

Kayla was silent, waiting for him to finish. "I felt bad, there was nothing I could do for her. But I said my piece. Said as much as she would let me." He voice wavered with barely checked emotion. Nodding, Nick effectively finished the conversation, and Kayla knew he would say no more about his visit with Kelly.

He turned the keys in the engine, lowering the volume on the radio that seemed louder than he remembered. Making a u-turn in the dust, Nick began the return drive to Vegas, never once looking back.


	4. Chapter 4

1

On their way to his house, they stopped for dinner at a diner near the CSI lab. Entering the familiar surroundings, Nick noticed he was much more at ease. Perhaps it was that his scars had faded and people no longer stared. Perhaps it was the slight weight lifted from seeing Kelly. A full-blown smile broke out when he heard his name.

"Nicky!" Warrick, Grissom and Sara were sitting at their usual corner booth, about halfway through their meal. They stood to meet him in the middle of the restaurant, each taking their turns embracing him. They hadn't seen him outside of his house since the incident, and there was an overwhelming sense of familiarity and normalcy. Grissom greeted Kayla with a hug as well, and Warrick and Sara nodded their hellos. Neither knew the whole story as to how Kayla came to be living with Nick. Neither questioned it, silently accepting what they picked up on during their visits to Nick. She had become part of his life and she seemed to be helping him get through this, so they weren't about to complain.

"How are you, man?" Warrick asked, sliding across the booth to make room. A waitress came over and offered Nick and Kayla menus and set down fresh water glasses. "We've missed you."

"Yeah, you too. I'm doing good. Feeling strong." He smiled. He had missed this. "I'm thinking about coming back, actually."

Kayla and Grissom both looked up sharply. Nick stared across the table and didn't glance in either direction. "I think it might be time. I mean, start small, lab work, consulting, that sort of thing. Until you think I'm ready to be back in the field." He directed this last statement at Grissom.

Sara had filled him in on the changes at the lab. Catherine had continued on as swing shift supervisor, but Greg and Sophia were transferred to her watch. Warrick, Sara and Gil held down the graveyard shift, keeping a spot open for Nick's return. That's the way Grissom wanted it, and the only arrangement he would accept from Ecklie. He wasn't kidding when he said he wanted his guys back.

"Nick," Grissom hesitated, stealing a glance at Kayla's worried expression. "Have you talked to your PEAP counselor about this? Are you even cleared to go back?"

"I was cleared two weeks ago," Nick nodded. "I just wasn't sure until now that I was ready." He took in everyone's expressions of worry, concern and hesitation. No one was forcing him to make this decision. "Look, guys, physically, I'm fine. My injuries are healed, I'm off the meds. Sure its been a while since I've seen the inside of a gym, but Kayla doesn't let me eat junk." He poked her playfully in the ribs, earning a wobbly smile. "Mentally, I'm doing good. I have a lot of support. I've been cooped up in my house for months. I need to get back in the saddle. One step at a time."

Warrick and Sara looked at Grissom, waiting to see what their boss would say. They were both anxious for Nick to return, knowing that being back on the job and helping to put bad guys away would be more therapeutic for Nick than sitting at home talking about his feelings. Grissom shrugged and smiled. "If you really think you're ready, Nicky, then we'd be glad to have you back."

The table cheered and clinked glasses in a alcohol-free toast. Sara and Warrick were giddy, already anticipating seeing his face at the lab every night. Kayla stayed quiet. She knew this was coming at some point, but had wished that Nick talked to her first about his decision. Not that she would prevent him from returning to work, but she wanted the chance to talk about how things might change for them.


	5. Chapter 5

1

That following Monday, Nick slid into his driver's seat and smiled. He was nervous about returning to work, but had no apprehensions about being inside the lab. In fact, he looked forward to flexing his mental muscles again. Kayla stood at his door. "Baby, don't look so worried." He leaned out and kissed her softly on the mouth. "I'll be at the lab, no field work. And you can check in with me any time, okay?"

"Okay," she said softly, standing back to let him drive away. She watched the car disappear down the street and sighed loudly. "See you soon."

Nick's return to the lab was quiet, just as he hoped. Sure, people stopped their conversations to look at him when he walked down the hall, but he didn't pay attention. Taking up residence in the evidence room, a few people came by to say hello and welcome him back. No one mentioned the kidnaping, only that they missed him.

He noticed the changes right away. More police presence, teams of two or three heading to crime scenes. They had gotten firmer about having police protection at the scene. It wasn't bad enough that Holly died, or that Catherine and Sara had both been attacked when police weren't watching. It was Nick's incident that finally prompted the police into action. Now every CSI had at least one other team member and a police escort at every call that was never sent home. He appreciated the changes, and knew when he finally made it back into the field, he'd feel a bit safer.

Nick worked on a consultant basis. He helped Warrick and Sara with their cases, running in-lab experiments and piecing evidence together. It wasn't as exciting as field work, but Nick appreciated being able to ease his way back into things. He'd been gone a long time.

That first day, he came home feeling great. Exhilarated, he shared breakfast with Kayla and filled her in on the case and the breaks he was able to make. He felt a renewed sense of purpose and told her he had no doubts about his decision to go back. Kayla smiled at his excitement and quietly listened through the whole breakfast. When Nick finally stopped rambling, he asked how her day was.

Kayla paused, swallowing heavily. She had been dreading this moment. "I put in for a transfer," she said quietly. Tears threatened to surface and were closing off her throat. She stared at her plate, unable to look Nick in the eyes as she told him. "I figured, you were going back to work. You're doing great with your therapy. You probably want to get back to your real life, your normal routine."

He was quiet, mouth open. He couldn't believe was he was hearing. "Kayla, I don't understand. What are you talking about? What transfer?"

She soldiered on, quietly wiping away a stray tear. "I just figured that you'd want your life back...and that I should get going, find my own place, you know."

"No. No I don't know." Nick fought back a surge of emotion. He stood up and came around to her side of the table. Kneeling down, her swung her knees toward him and looked up into her face. "My life before you...was nothing. I mean, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I had no idea. Why would I want you to leave? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Kayla stood up roughly, stepping around him and marching into the living room. "You don't mean that." She shouted, turning to face the bewildered man. "Nick, you were going through a trauma. I helped you. Its only natural that you feel some sort of attachment to me. But its not real, its not love. We got comfortable with each other, but its not like we were dating or anything."

"Hey, hey, now stop." He walked forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Don't act like what he have isn't real. We might not have stopped to define it, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"You don't love me." She said simply. Finally raising her head to look him straight in the eyes. "You love the idea of me."

Turning away, Kayla grabbed her keys and purse off the side table and walked out the door. She needed to clear her head. Telling Nick she was leaving was the most difficult thing she'd ever done. There was no doubt that she loved him. Loved him more than she thought possible. But she knew, psychologically, he wasn't in love with her.

She made it to her car door before Nick caught up with her. "Kay, wait." He grabbed her arm gently and turned her to face him. "Look, this relationship didn't exactly start under the ideal circumstances. And I won't begrudge you the fact that you did save me. You did for me what no other person could. You saw me at my absolute worst. Now, give me a chance to show you my best. I understand how people could think that I fell in love with you because you held me when I cried and made sure I got back to sleep after a nightmare. I get it. But dammit Kayla, life is too short, and I know what I feel for you is real. I love you. Please, I love you, and I'm not going to let you get in that car and drive out of my life." He stared at her, breathing hard, watching the tears run streaks down her face. "Please..." he begged. "Please come inside."

Kayla stood at an impasse. Trust had never been her best quality. She wanted to give in to him, to let her love flow through her like an electric current. She wanted to hide in his arms forever, reassuring each other that no bad could come to them again as long as they were together. She wanted a future with Nick. But a small part of her still doubted that he could return the feelings she felt for him without an ulterior motive.

While she grappled with her feelings, Nick took the situation into his own hands, literally. Cupping her face with his strong hands, he kissed her hard, pouring his love, compassion and unbridled emotion into the kiss. If she wouldn't believe his words, she would have to believe what she felt when he kissed her. She whimpered softly, and he seized the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Moving his arms, he held her firmly in his embrace, kissing her with every hope he had left.

Giving in, Kayla returned the kiss with her own display of love and emotion. She reveled in the way his lips felt on hers, his hands snaking patterns across her back. She accepted what he said. Accepted his love and offered her own.

Breaking contact, he held her tightly, swaying back and forth slightly. "I love you so much." He whispered in her ear.

"I love you too," she murmured through a fresh sob.

He stepped back reluctantly and took her hand. Looking at her the whole way, Nick led her back into his house and firmly closed the door.


	6. Chapter 6

1

"No...no! Stop!" Her cries were short bursts of sound that pierced through the air. "No, please..." She tossed in her sleep, fighting off an invisible enemy.

"Kayla, wake up." Nick rolled over, wide awake, heart pounding. "Kayla, honey, wake up." He shook her softly, dropping a kiss to her shoulder. "Wake up, baby."

Kayla let out another cry and woke up with a shout. Shooting straight up in bed, her breath came in ragged gasps. Nick scooted himself behind her, his chest flush against her back. He whispered soothing words to her and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. Her nightmares had been occurring for a week now. They started right around the time Nick was given clearance to start field work again.

Kayla's breathing slowed and she began to sob quietly. The bed shook with her tears and Nick sighed, resting his head on her shoulder. "Kayla, talk to me."

"I'm so scared, Nicky. I'm scared for you." She shook her head, emotion swallowing her words.

"Shh...why are you scared for me?" He asked quietly, rocking her slightly in his arms.

"I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid its too soon, that you're not ready yet. I'm afraid you'll never be ready. I'm afraid something is going to happen to you. Or that you'll get scared and freak out." Her words were coming quickly, the thoughts that had been churning in her brain spilling out into the night.

"Hey, hey..." Nick turned her to face him, leaning over to hit the lamp on his night table. He pushed a stray hair out of her eyes and cupped her chin. "Kayla, honey, I know you're worried. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous myself. But I know I'm ready. Its been eight months since that night. And I've been back in the lab for three months. I want to get back in the field. I won't feel like I'm really back again until I get out there and do what I do best. Sure it'll be scary at first, but I'll be surrounded by people. No one works alone now, you know that. Grissom will be there, or Sara or Warrick. You trust them, don't you?"

She nodded, feeling slightly sheepish for letting her emotions run so wild. Their work was dangerous. They dealt with the worst kinds of criminals, and she knew the risks. She also knew that since Nicky's abduction, no one would let him out of their sight for too long. He'll be safer than anyone in the field.

Creeping her arms around his neck, Kayla buried her face in his shoulder, breathing deeply to take in his scent, a mixture of soap, aftershave and sweat. "Come on, lie back down with me." He turned the light off and lay flat on his back, bring Kayla down with him in the crook of his arm. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart.

"We make quite the pair, huh?" She said quietly.

Nick smiled grimly. It was one thing for couples to have things in common, it was another when that thing was kidnaping and imprisonment. His fingers idly stroked her arm, reveling in the feel of her soft skin. "Yeah, we sure do." He kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him. "It won't always be like this. We will be normal one day."

Kayla didn't respond. She wasn't sure they would ever be normal. They both had lingering fears, issues and baggage that would be dealt with and addressed, but would always be there under the surface. But she trusted Nick. She trusted his love. If he said they would be normal, she would have to believe it. After all, look at the success he had in recovering and returning to his job. Deep down, no one expected him to ever return in the same capacity, and certainly no one would have blamed him. But Nick was a fighter. He wouldn't let some asshole take over his life and ruin everything he had worked so hard to build. It was that strength of character and conviction that let Kayla allow herself to believe that they might one day be normal.

After a few moments of silence, Kayla whispered that she loved him.

"I love you too, Kay."


End file.
